Easy as Pie Holiday Workout Plan

Easy as Pie Holiday Workout Plan

Not sure if you noticed or not but Christmas is right around the corner, Hanukkah is already over and Kwanza is coming in hot next week. I sure as shit didn’t notice any of these things because I’ve yet to see snow this year. In fact as I write this it’s 5am and 60 degrees at my place in Bumfuck, NJ. 60 degrees?!!? That’s tropical if you ask me.


Unless you have your own garage gym (#1 on my list to Santa) or already have Jessica Biel on lockdown for booty calls (#1b on my list to Santa) it’s quite a pain in the ass to get decent motivation to workout when your home for the holidays. The regular gyms close at odd hours, most colleges and high schools are locked up pretty far in advance and the ideal “holiday weather” isn’t exactly conducive to motivating most people to do a workout outside.

In true Alpha Male form you laugh in the face of mediocrity…so none of these excuses matter too much to you.

With that awesome mindset already taken care of let’s dive into the workouts…

The “I ain’t got jack shit” Workout

  • 100-200 4 count Jumping Jacks (as a warmup)
  • 10 pushups
  • 10 bodyweight squats
  • 10 supermans*
  • Repeat for 6 rounds

The “I got a kettlebell in my stocking” Workout

  • 100-200 4 count jumping jacks (as a warmup)
  • 15 swings
  • 15 snatches
  • 15 presses
  • 15 goblet squats
  • Repeat for 4 rounds

**Reps can be adjusted accordingly if you got one that’s too heavy/light. Can also do double or single arm, just make sure you switch arms each round if going single.

The “I didn’t get a white Christmas” Workout

If you have a 400m track nearby…

  • 100 4 count jumping jacks + 800m run (as a warmup)
  • 20 pushups
  • 20 bodyweight squats
  • 400m run
  • Repeat for 3-4 rounds

Or if you only have a soccer/football field…

  • 100 4 count jumping jacks + goal line-goal line shuttle x 8 (as a warmup)
  • 20 pushups
  • 20 bodyweight squats
  • 200 yd shuttle (run goal line to opposite goal line and then back to start point)
  • Repeat for 5 rounds

The “I only have 10 minutes of peace to workout” Workout

  • 100-200 4 count jumping jacks (as a warmup)
  • 100 push ups total
  • 100 bodyweight squats total
  • 3 minutes of planks (regular and side planks) total
  • Break up the reps into as many sets as you need, once you hit the goal numbers you’re done.

The “fuck working out” Workout

  • 10-20 chocolate chunk mocha latte-cinos (as a warmup)
  • Steal any and all candy that bastard nephew of yours got in his stocking
  • 3 packages of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning
  • Weep gently in your own filth as you tell yourself that you’ll “start fresh with the new year”
  • Repeat at least once a day until 2012

There you have it, 3 workouts that will challenge you and bridge the gap between now and when you can get back into your regularly scheduled training routine. Now, obviously, nobody is going to go to the Olympics by cycling through these workouts. The goal here is to continue to push your body even when you’re away from your normal training facility and re-enforce the fact that you literally don’t need a damn thing to get a good workout in.

Go forth and stay strong my friends!

* Supermans – Lay face down on the ground with your arms in front of your head and palms on the ground, or so you look like superman as he’s flying through the air. A repetition is done by squeezing your upper back, lower back, glutes and hamstrings at the same time so your arms and legs come off of the ground.

End position